Superwoman? Hot Mess? Or Both?

Superwoman, Hot Mess, or Both?

Ah yes, this is a struggle for many of us for so many reasons. Whether you are a stay-at-home/work-at-home mom, working mom, career-driven woman, student, entrepreneur, a retirement goddess, or anything else in-between, how we manage to balance everything in our lives with our emotional well-being can be tough. Understatement of the year? Well, if 2020 has taught us anything…

So let’s get real and dig deeper. What is this all about?

• We need to talk about how we can first be aware of how we are doing with juggling everything.
• We should know how our personality and individual circumstances affect where we fit best.
• We need to know how our level of emotional intelligence impacts where we are at.
• If we are not coping well, then where do we want or need to change? Who will help us?
• Embracing where we are at (understanding and accepting why).
• Empowering other women and respecting where they are at – stop judging and shaming other women. More ranting on this later…

First of all, I’ll just say it – NOBODY IS SUPERWOMAN all of the time. Period. Also, let’s not forget that the definition of Superwoman is left up to individual interpretation, so who’s standard are we trying to live up to anyway?!?! Okay, now take a deep breath and let out a huge sigh of relief. Did you really think that this article was going to tell you all about what you need to do to become Superwoman? Pfft hell no, and if that is what you are seeking, look elsewhere! If you are relieved and want to get real and raw, keep reading girl!

There are many factors that impact each of us individually and our ratio of Superwoman to hot mess may vary greatly in various aspects of our lives. Think about where you are rockin’ it in life, and where you are falling flat on your face. For some of us this might be easy to identify and predict. Like being successful and super efficient at work, yet really struggling with parenting at home. Or being good at taking care of your outward appearance and style, yet your house resembles the aftermath of a bombing. Perhaps it is more of an internal struggle, being an incredibly supportive and attentive co-worker/friend/partner/mom, yet you are hard on yourself, lack self confidence and the ability to prioritize and love yourself. The reality is that what makes us feel like a hot mess, and what makes us feel like a superhero is different for everyone.

Awareness is key. Some women are high-functioning and quite consistently managing to balance life and priorities and feel like Superwoman 90% of the time with moments of being a hot mess – good for you! Others may feel like a hot mess most of the time and can celebrate moments of being Superwoman occasionally – way to go! Whatever the case may be for you, reflect on where you are at and be honest with yourself about how and why this is, and OWN it! The next step is to figure out whether you are happy with the balance you have and that you are ready to embrace it, or if you feel that you indeed want to rebalance your life entirely.

When considering change, it can be very helpful to consider your level of emotional intelligence, as this will have a significant impact on your ability to move forward and create the lasting changes you desire. Not to worry, if you aren’t quite there yet it doesn’t mean you can’t change your ratio (of Superwoman to hot mess), it just means you have to build the foundation first and take things one step at a time.

How do we do this? The five key areas of emotional intelligence are self-awareness, self-regulation, motivation, empathy, and social skills.  This is a big topic, so stay on the lookout for future blog posts for more insight into these areas or connect with me to explore 1-1.

Bottom Line?

• Adaptive people are able to bounce back after experiencing adversity by looking at themselves and their responses to situations or triggers.
• Focus on setting and maintaining healthy boundaries with a balance of give and take.
• Develop and maintain a strong sense of self worth. (if you don’t think you are worthy of the superhero title, then who else will?) READ THAT AGAIN.

Next, you might want to consider how well you are coping and if you are really out of balance, do you feel that you have the ability to start making positive changes? If you hesitated, are unsure, or know that you feel overwhelmed and are in such a deep dark place that you need help to crawl out – find help. Open yourself up to letting others in to support, guide, and empower you. You do not need to do this alone. We shouldn’t do this alone. Find your tribe.

This leads us right to the point. Stop the shame. We shame ourselves and other women? Really!

Comparing ourselves to other women leads us down one of two paths;

1) Jealousy, shame, and hurting others.

2) Empowerment, inspiration, motivation, and love.

Guess what? You absolutely have a CHOICE which path you travel down. Ladies, we need to talk to each other – do us all a favour and say what you mean and actually mean what you say! I get it, when we are feelin’ all Superwoman-y this can be easier than when we are a hot raging tired-ass mess. Stop judging and start loving. It is liberating to let go of toxic behaviour and start celebrating ourselves and others. Be intentional about thinking critically and not assuming that your perception of others is a reality. How differently would you exist in this world if you sought first to understand where someone else was coming from? How would we all feel if we could be confident in knowing that our thoughts, feelings, and actions are aligned?  Can we let go of the shame? We must.

That’s our new superpower.